I Want No Part Of Your Secret Fatphobic Club.

Inspired by some words of Amy Cuddy, let's have a quick chat about thin privilege.


Having recently read and reviewed Presence by Amy Cuddy, I started following her on social media. I came across the post above on her Instagram. I was horrified of course, and remembered that while I have (thankfully) not experienced this type of a thing with regards to race, I do fairly frequently when it comes to size and weight. 

 Like the "secret club" (see the screen right side of the screen cap) Cuddy was invited to for racists, I have been invited to a secret club of those who have fatphobic, sizeist beliefs.
Painting above: Autumn (Girl with Apple) (c. 1940) by Prudence Heward

 The assumption in such conversations is that because I am thin, I must be disgusted by or judgemental of people who are not thin, specifically with regards to their appearance, diet, and whatever awareness I have of their exercise habits. 

 There is also an assumption that since I am thin,  I must highly value and participate in practices and habits associated with "good health" such as a balanced diet, regular physical exercise, etc.
Painting above: Portrait of Doña Rosita Marillo (c.1944) by Frida Kahlo

 Here are some of the ways I have been invited to the Secret Club of Fatphobes:

  • I was talking with a coworker (who also enjoys a lot of thin privilege) on the floor, and as we were doing so, another coworker of ours walked by. This person's shirt had accidentally ridden up slightly and they hadn't noticed, so their stomach was exposed a bit. The person I was speaking with got distracted, looked at the person's stomach, saw I had also noticed, looked back at me and made a face to me indicating they were grossed out
  • A family member who is aware of my vegetarian diet was talking about a recent food trend related to vegetarianism and remarked, "But you would know about that Emily, you're so healthy!"
  • I had a container of instant Kraft Dinner on my desk at work waiting for the next night of overtime. A coworker walked by, noticed the container on my desk and said, "Kraft Dinner? No way! There is no way you would eat something that gross"
  • Talking to a friend, we were talking about a mutual acquaintance. My friend said, "Have you seen X lately? Man, she has really let herself go"

It is absurd to me how privilege works sometimes. Like I am just so thin I couldn't possibly enjoy Kraft Dinner? Who in their right mind doesn't love KD? It is a convenient and tasty dish, great for quick meals and helping hangovers. 
Painting above: Portrait of Betty Curnow (c. 1942) by Rita Angus
That's what privilege is; it's insidious and presumptive. Those of us with privilege are given credit for things we don't deserve or did not achieve directly ourselves. We enjoy assumptions that many people would find flattering (i.e., most of us would like to be thought of as "healthy") without having to work for it. Our habits are not questioned because we present an image of someone who has it together in a socially acceptable way with regards to our privilege. 

 In looking at the four points above, here's what I truly think:

  • I just noticed my coworker's shirt was up, and much like a tag sticking out of a shirt, I thought if I should tell them or not right there in the middle of my conversation or wait until after we were done speaking
  • I had no idea what my family member was talking about. I am not a foodie.
  • I freaking love Kraft Dinner and currently eat it about once a week 
  • I had not noticed any change in the person in question because we are not close friends, only acquaintances, so I didn't follow them on Instagram or even friends with them on Facebook
I don't want to protect these opinions and experiences in the first set of points because I do not value them, nor do I agree with the statements or behaviours described above. I do not want to be part of any Secret Club of Fatphobes. 

 With this in mind, here are some other statements I would say to people who seek to recruit me to any Thin Elite Conspiracy Circle.

Painting above: The Bather (c.1930) by Prudence Heward

  • I don't believe in the BMI
  • I believe that fat phobia and fat shaming is real and has tragic consequences
  • I believe that fat phobia is the result of many intersections of oppressions that exist within our capitalist, patriarchal society, NOT because of fat people themselves
  • Know that I think Virgie Tovar is a genius and I agree with pretty much everything she says: Lose Hate, Not Weight
  • Diet culture is a hard pass for me
  • I would like you to consider that you are probably looking at non-white fat people with more or different judgement than you are white fat people, and invite you to think on this
  • Make no mistake: I'm not advocating size-blindness any more than I would colour-blindness; we need to be conscientious of our own privilege in this area and work to unlearn some toxic myths we have learnt about the size and shape of bodies. The sooner we do this, the sooner we'll all be free.
  • Unlearning or relearning about weight, shape, and bodies has been a journey for me, it did not happen overnight. I would expect the same for you as well should you choose to pursue unlearning fat phobia

Painting above: Portrait of Eva Frederick (c.1931) by Frida Kahlo

  • While I don't particularly care to discuss diet or exercise, we can def talk about clothes any time (you know I love to dress up) 
  • I am happy to accept your definition of Good Health as you see fit for yourself, and again, this is not something we need to talk about together because it's highly personal 
  • I'm not going to say here that all bodies are beautiful (this is not a Dove ad), nor am I going to say I love you for who you are, because I have to earn my place and solidarity, it's not something I can just claim or sweetly attempt to sugarcoat in this patriarchal, capitalist situation we live in
  • I don't want to criticize anyone else's body, diet, or meal that they are eating--with you. As it turns out, I'm a pretty smart gal with a lot of interests, and as such, I would much rather discuss whatever is at hand instead
  • I don't think fat jokes are funny at all. I don't like the Fat Terry bits on Brooklyn 99 and I never liked the Fat Monica jokes on Friends.
  • Please don't try to catch my attention if we walk past someone eating fast food or who is bigger than us unless the person in question needs immediate help or is in danger
  • I loved the strawberry dress on Tess Holliday

Painting above: Title Unknown (c.1931) by Amrita Sher-Gil

  • It is very important to me to see non-airbrushed models 
  • It is very important to me that there is size diversity in clothing in the stores I shop in
  • I want to open magazines and go through my feed and see 'plus' models. In fact, this is so important to me, that I carefully tracked the presence of size diversity monthly in all major Canadian fashion magazines ~2013-2017 on my previous blog, The Closet Feminist (now offline) --all at my own expense
  • I very much want to see size diversity and fat people on TV, in movies, in galleries, on stage and have paid money to do so & will continue to do this (you know, when/if we get through COVID)
  • I very much want to see fat people and size diversity at the beach, gym, pool, walking around, at the park, at work, in school, and at restaurants

Painting above: Ruth (c.1933) by Nora Heysen
  • I do not believe that my own thinness demonstrates self-control, discipline, purity, moral superiority, or healthiness, and it was not something I conscientiously tried to attain: I believe that I won the genetic lottery.
  • I can tell you factually that in my personal experience, my thinness does not equate good health. I am not very flexible, I don't have strong muscles at all, my endurance is poor, and I have observed that I get sick more often than my friends and acquaintances who are bigger than me/more health-conscious 
  • I won't apologize for eating, and I don't expect anyone else to apologize, either
  • My relationship with you is not because I value the size or shape of your body or perceived level of fitness, its because I enjoy your company
  • I have had crushes on and been attracted to people who are bigger than me and/or are not considered fit by the mainstream standards 
  • I think my body is fine as it is. I don't care to hear your workout or diet advice, if either of these items become a concern to me, I'll let you know
  • My vegetarianism is a habit, it is not to maintain my body size or shape

Painting above: Two Standing Women (c.1966) by Emma Amos

Here are some things I would suggest reading if you are interested in learning more about fat oppression and fat phobia:

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