What I Think I Know About Love

October 27, 2025

What I Think I Know About Love

Here are four things I think I know about Love

Painting above: Rachel Ruysch, Vase of Flowers with an Ear of Corn, 1742

Read this one with a grain of salt as I also wholeheartedly agree with L.M. Montgomery, who said, words to the effect, in one of the Emily of New Moon trilogy books, "People who are old or wise feel neither."

1. No one gets to the end of their life and wishes they had loved less

(Don't worry, I don't think I'm at the end of my life.) Generally speaking, in intense moments, or ones where we are faced with a life-altering decision or experience, caught up in grief, regret, etc, we are usually thinking that I wish I had said something to X person, I wish I had loved more and better, I wish I had told them how I felt, and so on.

2. Love is not enough

...at least, I think, for most people. Sorry to The Beatles, but I disagree with "All you need is Love."

Love alone, in my opinion and experience, is not enough. You also need a little money (the comfortable amount varying between people of course), you need safety or security (also a highly personal definition). I think there are some exceptional people or couples who have enough 'just' with love, but at present I think they are the exception rather than the norm. bell hooks reminds us in all about love: new visions:

Affection is only one ingredient of love. To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients-care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication. Learning faulty definitions of love when we are quite young makes it difficult to be loving as we grow older.

- bell hooks

3. I think loving, to love, is the purpose of life

The statement above might seem like I'm jaded, but perhaps I'm more pragmatic, because I do think that to experience love at some point in your life is the purpose of life.

I will say, I mean love generally, I'm not talking about romantic love. To experience love, to me, does not mean exclusively with a romantic/intimate partner. I further believe that your soulmate can be someone who is not your romantic partner.

For example, I often say that I can die happy at any moment now because I feel truly and deeply that I have known and experienced true love. And who comes to mind for this first but my ex-wife, with whom I am no longer married or have a romantic relationship with, but still enjoy a very loving friendship. I turn to bell hooks once again who said,

When we see love as the will to nurture one's own or another's spiritual growth, revealed through acts of care, respect, knowing, and assuming responsibility, the foundation of all love in our life is the same. There is no special love exclusively reserved for romantic partners. Genuine love is the foundation of our engagement with ourselves, with family, with friends, with partners, with everyone we choose to love.

- bell hooks

4. The capacity for Love is infinite

I have found this to be true for myself at least. If we agree with the bell hooks quote above, we can see that it is so possible to continue to love, and love more, your heart expands. With every new niece and nephew I have in my life, my love for my existing nieces and nephews does not decrease, it expands; there always seems to be more room in my heart. It's remarkable and such a gift. L.M. Montgomery said in one of the Emily of New Moon books (I have it written down but not sure exactly which book, sorry!):

Every morning when she awakened the new day seemed to her like some good fairy who would bring her some beautiful gift of. joy. Ambition was, for the time at least, forgotten. Success--power--fame. Let those who cared for them pay the price and take them. But love is not bought and sold. It is a gift.

- L.M. Montgomery

Similarly, when someone I love dies, my love for them does not, it goes on.

I also don't think we necessarily stop loving someone, even if we break up or are no longer friends with them or an active presence in each other's life. L.M. Montgomery also said "Outgrowing the things we love is never a pleasant process." With this, I think, we don't stop loving, we may outgrow it/them, however, and that is also okay.