Best Of Yung Pueblo's "How to Love Better"
Here is a selection of memorable quotes from How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion by Yung Pueblo.
This ability to welcome growth into your life is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your partner. No one enters a relationship fully healed, completely wise, or perfect in their ability to love. Real love requires learning, adapting, letting go, and reaching new levels of peace and understanding.
p. 11
Self-awareness helps you see that perfection is not possible, but progress is. It helps you take responsibility for your own actions and gives you insight into other people. When you can come to terms with the ups and downs of your own life, patience and compassion start blooming for yourself and other people.
p. 27
As your self-awareness grows, you become less demanding and more accepting. Instead of craving perfection, you start working with the fact that imperfection is unavoidable.
p. 27-28
Reaffirming within yourself that you still have much to learn and that there are many people in the world you can learn from will support the humility that is needed to truly blossom in your happiness and freedom. Humility is one of the primary characteristics that gives stability to your inner peace. Humility requires a certain degree of inner balance where you have confidence in yourself, but you are also happy to hear the wisdom and experience of others in the hope that it may bring clarity to your own path.
p. 65
For the first few years of our relation-ship, it felt as if we were stuck at the beginning, finding joy and comfort in each other's presence, but without the deeper emotional connection that comes from gifting each other our vulnerability. Little did I know at the time that to be vulnerable one has to have the strength to overcome the franticness of survival mode and defensiveness.
p. 95
It is deeply healing to be seen and loved by another. It nourishes us in a way no other connection does. And so despite the risks and the vulnerability required, we jump in and hope for the best knowing that we can do our best but that not everything is in our control.
p. 112
Desire in a relationship is healthy to a certain extent.There is nothing wrong with desiring your partner to treat you well or for there to be good communication between the two of you or any of the other qualities that make a relationship harmonious and vibrant. The issue arises when you want everything all at once and in a constant state of perfec-tion. Even people who have done great work on themselves will not be able to show up as the best version of themselves every hour of every single day. Human beings go through natural ups and downs that make it hard to always get things right. We should have a goal to have a healthy and beautiful relationship, and at the same time we should make sure that this goal doesn't convert into getting attached to having a perfect relationship.
p. 120-121
Your honesty directly nourishes your vulnerability, which opens up the possibility for greater connection.
p. 124
Others sometimes self-sabotage relationships because they don't feel worthy or good enough and because they have a lot of old hurt to unpack and release. The truth many forget is that it is possible to work on healing yourself while also being in a healthy relationship. Waiting to be perfectly healed before you let yourself love someone is going to an unnecessary extreme. No one enters a relationship as a flawless human being.
p. 171
There are so many ways to build trust, but the main one is to consistently show up for your partner in a caring and loving manner. To give them your attention, to listen to them, to accept them fully as they are, and to be there for them. Opening up to your partner with vulnerability is another way to build trust. When you can open yourself up to your partner despite the fear and tension it may bring up in you, you've created a huge opening for your relationship. Consistency is key to building trust
p. 190-191
Building a home within yourself is not just about self-acceptance; it is also about reinforcing habits and understandings that help you feel at peace in your solitude. Feeling full while alone means there is no longer distance between you and yourself.
p. 222
Since a breakup is literally a break, the end of a chapter in your life, the only real option is to let this become a moment of rebirth for you. This is clearly a time of sorrow, but it can also be one where you unflinchingly stand in your power. The hurt is real but so is the potential for you to emerge as a restored and revitalized version of yourself.
p. 225
It may sound simple, but being comfortable with the fact that you have room for growth means that you have substantial courage and your ego is not dominating your thought processes. Growth automatically requires humility and the energy of self-love to act on what you know is best for you.
p. 255
The embodiment of important qualities is a powerful signal that the people around you will respond to. It will bring certain people closer, and it will push others away. Embodiment is not just about having interests or a style of living, it is the active construction of who you are through the intentional application of actions. Embodiment is the result of you being the active designer of your mind and life.
p. 253
The paradox of growth in a relationship is that your partner should love you as you are, and that love should inspire you to grow. For many, love creates such a deep sense of safety that we feel energized to take on healing ourselves and growing in ways that we have not before. Often we put so much energy into simply getting through life that it is a shock to have a genuinely loving and supportive relation-ship. Within this supportive space you find you now have energy to focus on deeper matters of the mind and heart that need resolving. Even though your partner loves you as you are, being in their presence can give you a new sense of determination to evolve into the best you possible.
p. 284
Compassion has the uncanny ability to preserve the safety of a human being while also creating openings for genuine thriving. Compassion is real intelligence because it helps you see the wide range of human experience, while fear keeps you self-centred. Compassion helps you act skillfully and helps you find new solutions for old problems.
p. 289
