Dreaded Interview Question: How Would Your Coworkers Describe You?

I am rather notorious in my professional circles for interviews. I'm uneasy conducting interviews, and I dread being interviewed. I think my undisguised loathing for this process is rooted in self-consciousness: I'm not good at gauging what someone is like on first impressions (my intuition is mediocre at best), and I know I don't make a very good first impression (I'm working on that). 

Nevertheless, to push myself, I have a policy of always accepting whatever interview comes my way so that I get the practice. In the name of said practice, I have been interviewed about ten times in the last twelve months. At work, as someone in a managerial role, I have conducted about six interviews for someone I would work with directly on a daily basis.

In doing these interviews, there is one question that I have come to dislike above all others: 

How would your coworkers describe you?

or

What would your coworkers say about working with you?

....and other such iterations.

At its core, this question is inviting the interviewee to self-evaluate what they are like to work with, and the efficacy and accuracy of their performance at work. Here are three reasons why I reallllly don't like this question.

The first reasons is practical. Personally, even if I am very interested in a candidate, I'm still going to check their references. Checking references is oftentimes a security requirement, at least in animation or work-from-home environments. Asking a candidate 'how would your coworkers describe you' therefore seems especially redundant in a scenario like interviews which already (usually) have time restrictions.

The second reason is that people tend to focus only on the positive. We all (myself included) take this question as an opportunity to sing our own praises or humble-brag.

The third and biggest reason is that I just do not think it is a helpful question to ask when trying to determine what someone's performance might be like. I became convinced of this after reading Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why The Answers Matter More Than We Think by Tasha Eurich. In reading this book, I learned that most of us have poor self-awareness, and therefore wouldn't be able to answer this question accurately.

Eurich says,

"The truth is that while most of us think we know ourselves pretty well, this confidence is often unfounded. Researchers have established that our self-assessments 'are often flawed in substantive and systemic ways.' [...] studies show that we tend to be terrible judges of our own performance and abilities--from our leadership skills to our car-driving prowess to our performance at school and at work. The scariest part? The least competent people are usually the most confident in their abilities."

- from Insight by Tasha Eurich

To my first point above about checking references regardless, I figure its good to get a second opinion other than the person themselves. Indeed, Eurich says, "[...] armed with only our own observations, even the most dedicated students of self-awareness among us risk missing key pieces of the puzzle."

To my second point of answering the question focusing exclusively on the positive, I remember this little nugget from Eurich, 

"According to behavioural economist and Nobel Prize laureate Daniel Kahneman, human beings possess an 'almost unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance.' Research suggests that we tend to think we're smarter, funnier, thinner, better-looking, more socially skilled, more gifted at sports, superior students, and better drivers than we objectively are. Scientists have dubbed this the 'Better Than Average Effect'."

- from Insight by Tasha Eurich

Reflecting a little further on this second point, I don't think I have ever admitted to having constructive criticisms of myself in answering the "how would your coworkers describe you' question. What's more, I also can't recall any persons I have interviewed recently sharing their flaws when asked this question. 

It would be the most realistic if we said something like "my coworkers would say I'm very organized and I tend to get a snappy around deadlines," -- it's a nuanced and varied response, just as we are nuanced and varied humans.

I'm not the only person who tends to evade the tougher aspect of this question. Eurich gives us some numbers,

"In a study of more than 13,000 professionals, researchers found almost no relationship between self-assessed performance and objective performance ratings. In a second investigation, more than 33 percent of engineers rated their performance in the top 5 percent relative to their peers -- and only one brave soul out of a thousand labeled himself as below average."

- from Insight by Tasha Eurich

I'm so convinced by Eurich's work that even just reading the question makes me think of Michael Scott's delusional interview answers in The Office right away:

In reading this post, you might be thinking (as I was when I first read all this) that surely there must be some people who have good self-awareness, could therefore answer the question 'how would your coworkers describe you', ultimately making it worth our while during interviews.

There are, in fact, self-awareness unicorns, defined by Eurich as, "people who have made transformational improvements to their self-awareness." Being unicorns, self-awareness unicorns are still quite rare:

"After surveying thousands of people from all around the world, our team identified 50 individuals who fit our two criteria with whom we conducted in-depth, quality interviews to learn what they were doing differently [...] Our self-awareness unicorns came from all walks of life, and remarkably, there were no patterns by job type, industry, age, gender, education, national origin, or any other demographic characteristic [...] But the diverse group did have two things in common: a belief in the supreme importance of self-awareness and a commitment to develop and hone it throughout our lives."

-from Insight by Tasha Eurich

I also wanted to address people who don't underestimate or underrate their abilities and performance. I do believe things like imposter syndrome, sexist double-standards, etc, are very real and would have a hand in how people self-assess their abilities and what their coworkers might say about them. I find Eurich's comments on this quite interesting:

"People often ask me whether there are people who under-rate themselves. The answer is yes - although these people tend to be fewer and farther between. Yet just as overconfidence hurts our self-awareness, failing to appreciate our strengths shows a different kind of un-self-awareness."

- from Insight by Tasha Eurich

So where does all this leave us? Long term, fortunately, self-awareness can be learned. Short term, I vote we ditch this question in interviews, and instead ask more directly what a candidate feels their strengths are, and what are some things they would like to improve on. And, you know, check references.

Read this next:

Daily Habits for Improving Self-Awareness and Conversations

Problem-solving with The Miracle Question

Did you know self-awareness is a surprisingly learnable skill? 

Thought Exercise: Effective Journaling/Diaries via Tasha Eurich's 'Insight'