Best Of Dr. Kelly McGonigal's "The Upside of Stress"

Here is a selection of memorable quotes and a quick review of The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good For You, and How To Get Good at It by Kelly McGonigal, PhD

The Upside of Stress has a very tempting premise: while we have been told stress is bad, even downright dangerous for us, it can, if we shift our mindsets, actually have some positive effects. Right now, this is a pretty controversial and little-known idea, and McGonigal knows it. 

Indeed, I would say my biggest critique of this book is that it's too scientific for my taste. It is full of studies and examples supporting her theory, and at points nearly reads as a textbook. In fact, in my copy of The Upside of Stress, fully 1/5 of the pages is notes and references. Just to emphasize this impression, I am borrowing my copy of Upside from my father-in-law, who is quite literally a scientist. He told me that he didn't finish this book.

I'm sympathetic, "stress can be good for you!" an unpopular idea so McGonigal wants to reassure and show us how thoroughly researched this is. 

While it made for a fairly dry read, I can say truly that I'm compelled by her arguments and confident in her exhaustive research. 

The idea that stress can be harnessed or reconsidered as a positive thing is also something new to ponder - why read yet another article about breathing exercises to do when you're stressed when you could just turn the whole concept on its head? The book certainly has me thinking, and I'm very keen to apply some of these ideas and exercises presented throughout.

The last thing that has stuck with me from this book is how scalable these mindset shifts and exercises are. McGonigal gives examples (backed by solid research of course) covering all sorts of folks from students, to bus drivers, to CEOs. The stressful scenarios are equally varied - taking a test, day-to-day work stress, even supporting a loved one through an illness. In other words, there is something for everyone here for sure.

Here are some of my favourite tidbits from The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal, PhD.

If you want to help people better cope with anxiety, a more useful strategy might be to simply tell them that you think they an handle it. Studies show that when people are told, "you're the kind of person whose performance improves under pressure," their actual performance improves by 33 percent. It doesn't matter whether the feedback is completely random. What matters is that the message change the meaning of those first signs of anxiety. Instead of signalling 'you're about to blow it' the nerves are proof that you're getting ready to excel. Telling people who are nervous that they need to calm down can convince them they don't have what it takes. Trusting them to handle the pressure can help them rise to the challenge.

p.107

Psychologists found that the most important factor in determining your response to pressure is how you think about your ability to handle it. When faced with any stressful situation, you begin to evaluate both the situation and your resources. How hard is this going to be? Do I have the skills, the strength, and the courage? Is there anyone who could help me? This evaluation of demands and resources may not be conscious, but it's happening under the surface. As you weigh the demands of the situation against the resource you bring to it, you make a rapid assessment of your ability to cope.

This evaluation is key to determining your stress response. If you believe that the demands of the situation exceed your resources, you will have a threat response. But if you beleive that you have the resources to succeed, you will have a challenge response.

p.113

Embracing stress is a radical act of self-trust: view yourself as capable and your body as a resource. You don't have to wait until you no longer have fear, stress, or anxiety to do what matters most. Stress doesn't have to be a sign to stop and give up on yourself. This kind of mindset shift is a catalyst, not a cure. It doesn't erase your suffering or make your problems disappear. But if you are willing to rethink your stress response, it may help you recognize your strengths and access your courage.

p.132-133

This study* tells us two things. First, where we place our attention when people we care about are suffering can change our own stress response. If we focus on comforting, helping, and caring for our loved ones, we experience hope and connection. If, instead, we focus on relieving our own distress, we stay stuck in fear. The second thing this study shows is that we can create the biology of courage through small actions. In this case, it was holding a loved one's hand while he or she experienced pain. In everyday life, there are many opportunities to make similar small choices of connection.

p.140 

(*neuroscientists at UCLA Inagaki, Tristen K. and Naomi I. Eisenberger. "Neural Correlates to Giving Suport to a Loved One." Psychosomatic Medicine 74, no.1 (2012): 3-7)

Whether you are overwhelmed by your own stress or the suffering of others, the way to find hope is to connect, not to escape. The benefits of taking a tend-and-befriend approach go beyond helping your loved ones, although this, of course, is an important function. In any situation where you feel powerless, doing something to support others can help you sustain your motivation and optimism.

p. 140-141

Sometimes, we make the choice to be generous first, and the uplift comes later. Especially when you are feeling like your own resources--whether time, energy, or otherwise-- are scarce, choosing to be generous is a way to access the resilience that goes along with a tend-and-befriend response. If you struggle with avoidance, self-doubt, or feeling overwhelmed, helping others is one of the most powerful motivation boosters you can find.

p.142

One of the first things they* found is that when people are connected to bigger-than-self goals, they feel better: more hopeful, curious, caring, grateful, inspired, and excited. In contrast, when people are operating from self-focused goals, they are more likely to feel confused, anxious, angry, envious, and lonely.

p.145-146

(*This is actually connected to three papers/studies by Jennifer Crocker and associates, listed in full on p. 254 of Upside of Stress)

When you see your job through a bigger-than-self mindset, it can elevate even the most basic tasks, and buffer against burnout.

p.151

The benefits of bigger-than-self goals are not limited to job satisfaction. Research also shows that leaders who apply this mindset to key decisions can help their organizations rebound from adversity.

p.151

The most successful companies had taken what the researchers called a collectivistic approach to dealing with hardship. In other words, they used the crisis as an opportunity to support something bigger than themselves. Most responded by installing extra security and trying to strengthen the barriers between their company and the immediate neighborhood environment. One business, however, tried and unusual tend-and-befriend strategy: it invested in and restored nearby abandoned buildings, then rented them out to the community.

Some of the other effective and creative bigger-than-self solutions that companies reported including responding to a recession by offering discounts to important community groups, such as police officers and schools, and addressing a shortage of skilled workers by creating a mentoring and scholarship program for local youths [...] Importantly, these weren't just feel-good solutions. Across industries, when leaders sought bigger-than-self solutions, the companies showed greater revenue growth, profits, and expansion during and after the crises.

p.152

The sense of being alone in our suffering is one of the biggest barriers to transforming stress. When we feel isolated and disconnected, it is more difficult to take action or see any good in our situation. It also can keep us from reaching out to others, either to get the help we need or to benefit from being of help to others. The ironic thing is, probably nothing is more universal than the experience of stress. Nobody gets through life without experiencing physical pain, illness, disappointment, anger, or loss. The specifics may vary, but the underlying experience is as human as it gets. The challenge is to remember this in your own times of suffering.

p.165

Although it can be daunting to take that first step, choosing to be the starting point of what you want is the best way to create the supportive community you seek. Research shows that when you intentionally shift your focus toward supporting others, you end up the recipient of more support. When you make an effort to express your gratitude, you end up being more appreciated by others. When you go out of your way to make sure others know that they belong, you become an important and cherished member of the community.

p.173

NEXT UP

I have adapted the lessons I learned from The Upside of Stress into a two-part video, check them out here:

VIDEO: Transforming Stress, Part 1

VIDEO: Transforming Stress, Part 2