Tough Questions: How Can I Deal with a Bad Boss?
Stuck working under a bad boss? Here are two strategies - one for in the moment, and one for when you're in it for the long haul.
Sometimes you get stuck working a job, however temporary, with a bad boss. You might not have the choice to move or leave at the pace you wanted, if at all. Maybe it’s a circumstances like right now in the pandemic, where jobs in your industry are scarce, or you live in a place where the demand for your particular skill set is low. Or, maybe you are just starting out in your career and the first company to grant you your break is unfortunately run by tyrannical boss.
In this video I’m going to offer a couple strategies for dealing with a bad boss in the particular situation if going to HR or mediation isn’t an option. I’m also going to share some lessons I have personally managed to learn from working under someone who isn’t the best leader.
A reminder, however, that harassment or unsafe working conditions are not worth enduring in order to learn something. You deserve a work environment that is safe, so if you are in a tricky situation and have an option to, consider calling Worksafe BC, reading up on your province’s employment standards, or talking with your professional organization.
So first of all, practically speaking, how do you handle a bad boss in the moment? Tasha Eurich, author of Insight offers the technique of “floating feet first” in the event where you are actively experiencing an unpleasant situation, like your boss is yelling at you or otherwise losing it.
Eurich is quotes a strategy from Stanford professor, Bob Sutton:
“Imagine you’re white-water rafting. Your boat is calmly floating down a picturesque river, when all of a sudden you see a rough patch and you’re abruptly thrown into the violent waters.
Most people in this situation try to fight it: kicking and flailing to get back into the boat; trying to swim towards the shore, futilely clinging to a slipper rock. But those strategies are actually more likely to kill us than save us, and the less we battle the current, the sooner we’ll find ourselves in calmer waters.”
So, next time you have a boss or co-worker who is being antagonistic, “rather than standing up to them or trying to make them see the error of their ways, simply imagine floating feet-first, and getting out of the rough waters as quickly as possible”
- from Insight: The Surprising Truth about How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think by Tasha Eurich
A more philosophical approach you can try when your boss isn’t up in your face is to think about what you can learn from someone who is so very different from you. Annie Duke, author of Thinking in Bets invites us to consider the example of politics.
“[…] with politics so polarized, we forget the obvious truth that no one has only good ideas or only bad ideas. Liberals would do well to take some time to read and watch more conservative news sources, and conservatives would do well to make some time to read and watch more liberal news sources— not with the goal of confirming that the other side is a collection of idiots who have nothing of value to say but to specifically and purposely find things they agree with. When we do this, we learn things we wouldn’t have otherwise learned. Our views will likely become moderated in the same way judges from opposite sides of the political aisle moderate each other. Even if, in the end, we don't find much to agree with, we will understand the opposing position better - and ours as well.”
- from Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts by Annie Duke
As for me, here is what I’ve learned from some bad bosses, including supervisors I had before I worked in the animation industry.
From a boss who was both openly racist and sexist, I learned the importance of drawing boundaries with your team, that it’s okay to close the door and take a moment for yourself to think things through. From a boss who was very emotionally volatile and immature, I learned the importance of community, making connections with all sorts of folks and not isolating yourself. They showed me the importance of using every opportunity to simply say ‘hi’ to someone’ to show you are engaged and enthusiastic member of your business or service community. From a boss who had an explosive temper, I learned how important it is to have a leader who has a clear vision, dedication, and gives people chances.
Don’t get me wrong, I would never work with any of these people again, and gleaning these lessons from these challenging experiences took me time—a lot of time.
Still, I wanted to make sure I learned something so my entire experience wasn’t coloured with my negativity - to have gone through this and not learned anything, I think at least for me would have been the greatest loss of all.
RESOURCES
Insight by Tasha Eurich
Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke
Season Three! Episode 63: Don’t Let ONE Jerk Ruin it ALL! podcast by Don't Be a Jerk at Work
