Tough Questions: How Do I Ask for a Reference?
I've experienced some pretty weird scenarios over the autumn with people asking me for help with their careers. Here's your guide of what NOT to do when asking someone to be your reference.
In the last four months or so I have had about a half a dozen people ask me for a reference or career advice. I would say only half of these people will have my recommendation again after these recent encounters, but one of my former artists in particular will never get a reference from me again.
So let’s talk about asking for a reference from someone. Here are a few things I would strongly recommend:
First, when you leave a job, if you are leaving before the end of your contract, make sure you resign to your direct supervisor or Producer, not HR (unless your studio has a policy where you are supposed to). For example, if you a modeller, do the honourable thing and tell your modelling supervisor first.
If for some reason you can’t, then tell your producer. I would recommend that you speak with them directly (can be through chat of course these days), and follow up with written notice.
When it comes to actually asking someone for a reference, ask yourself the following:
- Have you actually done good work for the person you are asking, and have you left a good impression? If you’re not sure, check out Lesson 7 from my first video series, "Best Practices for Good Employees."
- If the person you are asking has ever given you a performance review or feedback (and you do NOT have to ask someone who has— more on that shortly), can you say with confidence that you have made improvements on at least three of the points they asked you to work on?
- Have you ever had any sort of review, for example, a disciplinary action like a warning outside of a performance review? If you have, then you better have gone above and beyond to correct your past indiscretions, otherwise don’t bother asking for a reference.
- Have you made an effort to stay in touch with this person? For example, if you haven’t talked to them at all in a year, it would be weird to come out of left field and ask for a favour.
This reminds me - asking someone to be your reference is asking them for a favour. If you have done good work for and with them, they will likely be happy to be your reference, and it’s still asking for their time. They will take the time to write something out for you for your prospective employer, or they will need to take time out of their busy day to have a phone call with the person checking your references.
Staying in touch with someone can mean sending them updates every once in a while on where you’re at in your career. Remember, this is a bit of an exchange—you can message them to say hi and see how they’re doing, follow their work and share/like it, as well as talk about yourself. You can do this on LinkedIn, email, or if it seems appropriate, social media.
Once you’re in the process of applying for a job and using them for a reference, let them know in advance where you’re applying and for what role, how the interview went, and if you got the job!
Here are some things that have perplexed me in recent months with people who have asked me for references—consider it your list of what NOT to do:
- One person was successful in getting the job they used me as a reference for. They did not follow up to say they were successful, I saw the update on LinkedIn. This was after I spent about a half hour speaking to the person checking references on the phone AND filling out a written document. You’re welcome and congrats, I guess?
- One person kept asking me for all sorts of advice. While it was time consuming, I was happy to help to a certain degree—it became too much when I realized I was giving them lots of advice that was helping their career, but they weren’t really being supportive of my work, like liking what I shared online or sharing these videos.
- Lastly, someone actually got frustrated with me when the place they were applying to —somewhere I wasn’t working—wasn’t getting back to them! They sent me these long rants and complaints as if it was my fault, so I abruptly ended our conversation and will never recommend this person again because I saw a side of them I did not like and found their whining terribly unprofessional.
Always, always say thank you regardless of the outcome, because they are taking time to help you out. I would suggest sending an actual thank you card, though with everyone working from home these days, you can send a nice email or LinkedIn message instead.
If they went above and beyond in helping you out, consider getting them a small gift, or take them out for a coffee or beer. If you are just asking for advice, make sure you are supporting their work, like sharing the trailer for the show they worked on to your network, liking and viewing their reel, etc.
Your career is a journey, not a destination. Say your goal is to work at ILM. If you land a job there, great! Even if you’re going to be a lifer, stay in touch with your references, mentors, and former colleagues, we’re all always curious about one another’s work and want to cheer each other on.
RESOURCES
11 Reasons You Didn't Get the Job on Career Contessa
The 8-Step Guide To Cold Emailing Anyone on Girlboss
VIDEO -A Course in Production Lesson Seven: Best Practices for Good Employees
The Step-By-Step Guide To Getting A Bomb Reference on Refinery29
This post was updated March 2022 to add the Badass Careers graphic.
