Just Listen: Three Different Career Books on One Key Skill

Painting above: Confidential Conversation c.1661 by Quiringh van Brekelenkam 

Lately I've had a project of reading different career books, then reviewing them here on the blog. I have noticed that these books do indeed sort of recycle some content and advice from time to time. Though prospective readers might frown upon the redundancy, I actually see two pros in this 'recycled content':

1. Is is valuable to hear the Good Advice from another perspective
2. If it's repeated by a completely different author, I'm drawn to the fact that the advice being offered is especially important/bears this repeating

Across at least three of these career books I have seen a heavy emphasis on listening.

Well, duh, right?

Here's my thought on the matter. If listening is such a given, something we all learned the value of in kindergarten, why do I have three different experts from three different periods in time reiterating this point over and over again? 

Let's take a closer look.

Listening in 1989

First up, we have The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, first published in 1989, though I read the 2013 edition. Covey is so convinced of the importance of listening that he literally makes it one of the seven habits. Indeed, Habit 5 is "Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood." Covey's emphasis in listening is unmistakable as he says:

"If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: seek first to understand, then to be understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication."

Stephen R. Covey

One of my critiques in re-reading 7 Habits is that its very jargon and terminology-heavy, I felt like I had to learn twenty new words every ten pages to grasp the Habit Covey was extolling.  However, when it came to the Habit 5 chapter, I found its anecdotes and analysis the easiest to grasp. He takes a look at one conversation from four different perspectives in guiding the reader to choose empathic listening which is incredibly accessible and compelling.

"Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with. Instead of projecting your own autobiography and assuming thoughts, feelings, motives, and interpretation, you're dealing with the reality inside another person's head and heart. You're listening to understand. You're focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul."

Stephen R. Covey

Listening in 2001

Next, let's take a look at Crossing the Unknown Sea by David Whyte, first published in 2001. Whyte is coming about a dozen years after Covey with his offering, and Whyte is a poet, whereas Covey was an organizational consultant. 

Whyte makes a bold claim saying, 

"I had come to the conclusion that our personal identity, which we think is based upon our beliefs and opinions, is actually more of a function of our ability to pay attention to the world around us."

David Whyte

Unpacking this just a bit, if we accept Whyte's assertion here that our identity is a function of our ability to pay attention, would we not count listening as one of the key ways we pay attention? Observation of course. Listening is right on the heels though.

About ten pages before Whyte makes this claim about identity, he defines the core act of leadership as making conversation:

"The core act of leadership must be the act of making conversations real. The conversations of captaincy and leadership are the conversations that forge real relationships between an organization and the world it serves. All around these conversations, the world is still proceeding according to mercies other than our own. This is the ultimate context to our work. The cliff edge of mortality is very near [...] Everything is at stake, and everything in creation, if we are listening, is in conversation with us to tell us so."

David Whyte

I put the emphasis on "if we are listening," since Whyte adds it in such a gentle, if deceptive way. The If of it all - if we are willing, if we are listening specifically, it will unlock the rest of what Whyte is speaking of. It's an invitation, really. You want this greatness? Are you realizing the magnitude of your situation? Then listen first.

Painting above: Conversation outside a Castle c. 1636 by Dirck van Delen

Listening in 2015

Lastly, I want to offer Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist. At the time of this post, I have yet to read the book in full, and I can still see that Cuddy dedicates the entirety of Chapter 3 to listening: "Stop Preaching, Start Listening: How Presence Begets Presence," noting:

"Listening is crucial to presence. And the challenges that arise when we really need to listen are the same ones that make it hard to be sufficiently present to do so."

Amy Cuddy

Cuddy fairly echoes Covey as she goes on to explain,

"Real listening can't happen unless we have a sincere desire to understand what we're hearing. And that's not an easy thing to manage, because it requires us to suspend judgment - even when we're feeling frustrated or scared or impatient or bored and even when we feel threatened or anxious about what we're about to hear (because we think we know it or because we don't know it)."

Amy Cuddy

So why listening as the career move to make? I hand the mike to Cuddy, who offers a tidy list of what happens, "when you stop talking, stop preaching, and listen" :

1.People can trust you

2.You acquire useful information

3.You begin to see other people as individuals - and maybe even allies

4.You develop solutions that other people are willing to accept and even adopt

5.When people feel heard, they are more willing to listen

Amy Cuddy

the yak occidental career book review series includes:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity by David Whyte

Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts by Annie Duke

Not quite a full review yet but close enough on Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think by Dr. Tasha Eurich